How Embarrassing
by tanith
Summary: Spike and brooding don't mix.


TITLE: How Embarrassing 1/1

AUTHOR: tanith

RATING: PG - Good for the kiddies!

ARCHIVE: It's all yours, just let me know.

FEEDBACK: Bring it on. akirgo@yahoo.com

SPOILERS: Up through As You Were.

DISCLAIMER: Checks mirror Nope, I'm not Joss Whedon. I did not create BtVS or Spike. Which explains the lack of money in my bank account.

SUMMARY: Spike and brooding don't mix.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Something odd to cheer me up while I wait for the new run of episodes to come crashing down on us, and to hopefully help cure an attack of writer's block. Also, please excuse the vanilla reference. I couldn't help myself.

*************

"Gimme another one," Spike said, gesturing at his empty beer bottle. Instantly, it was swiped away, replaced by its fuller, but otherwise identical twin. He took a swig; it was his fifth beer. It wasn't helping at all.

Nothing helped.

He tried. He really did. But there were some things that just didn't get better. Some wounds that didn't heal. Some things he couldn't forget, no matter how many bottles he tried to drown his sorrows in.

The look on her face...

Spike took another swallow of beer as he leaned against the bar. He was brooding, he knew. Bloody fantastic.

He didn't look up when the woman slid onto the bar stool next to him. "Hey," she said. "You okay?"

He glanced up at her out of the corner of his eye, catching a glimpse of lots of dark curls, bright red nails, and a brown suede jacket tied lazily across a tiny waist. "Not particularly," he said.

"You wanna talk about it? My name's Judith." She held out her hand to him.

He didn't take it, instead going back to draining his bottle. What part of "not particularly" didn't she understand?

He expected her to take the hint and go away, but instead she let out a tinkling peal of laughter. "No, you see," she said, "now's the part where you give me your hand to shake, like this -" she took his hand and made the shaking motion for him "- and you say, Hi, my name's whatever.' You think you got that?" She waited, still smiling. "So what's your name?" she prompted.

"William," he said, without thinking. He must have been more drunk than he thought.

"Hi, William. So, do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" he asked, not knowing why. Why wouldn't she just go away?

"About whatever it is that's causing you to drown your sorrows. Come on. Spill."

"No." Spike looked frantically for the bartender, finally catching his eye and signalling for another beer.

"This one's on me," Judith said when the bartender set the beer down in front of Spike. Great, he thought, now I'm stuck with her.

"So you're in a stoic mood tonight, is that it?" Judith continued. "That's okay. I'm feeling loquacious myself."

She proceeded to tell him all about herself. Spike didn't catch the first bit because he was too busy trying to recall whether he had ever heard anyone use the word "loquacious" in casual conversation before, but when he finally did start listening, he decided that Judith didn't seem half bad after all. She had a sense of humor, at least, and he didn't disgust her. That was something.

She finished telling some story about her misadventures at an aunt's beach house, and he found he was actually smiling at her. He'd stopped drinking after that sixth beer, too. Good, he told himself. You're finally snapping out of it. Moving on. That's the way to go, mate.

"Listen," Judith said, bringing his attention back to her face. She was pretty, he thought. Not as pretty as...No. Focus on her. Judith. Pretty. "Listen," pretty Judith said. "I've got to get up early tomorrow morning, so I should probably go. Would you mind walking me to my car? I parked around the block and this neighborhood makes me really nervous at night."

Smart girl, he thought. "It would be my pleasure," he said, and she smiled at him.

They paid for their drinks, or rather, he paid for his first five beers, and Judith paid for the sixth - he didn't think she'd had anything - and he followed her out of the club. Once they were in the alleyway behind the Bronze, she turned to face him.

"I had a really good time tonight. Maybe we could meet again some time, and you could, you know, say more than two sentences."

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's just..."

"I know. You're down and out in SunnyD. I understand."

Part of his brain registered the fact that she had him backed up against the alley wall, her arm positioned over his shoulder. She was leaning in to him. Was she going to kiss him? Did he *want* her to kiss him?

"Er, listen..." he started to say. He was beginning to feel rather frazzled.

"Shhh," she said, putting one cool finger up against his lips. She was definitely going to try to kiss him. Okay. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe all he needed was a good shag, and he'd feel his old self again. He didn't really think so, but then again...

Oh, sod it! He couldn't think straight like this. Her face was practically an inch away from his now. And...oh, God, she smelled like vanilla.

Spike closed his eyes and surrendered to it.

He was very surprised when, instead of a soft touch of lips, he felt sharp fangs penetrating his neck.

"What the hell?" he said, shoving her away. She stumbled slightly, surprised by his strength. Her eyes flashed yellow in the moonlight

Spike put his hand to his neck; when he pulled it away, his fingers were red with blood. He looked down at them, stupidly, and then up at Judith's other face. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

"Feeding!" she said, incredulously. Even in vamp face, she looked confused.

"You can't feed on me," Spike said, bewildered. "I'm a vampire!"

"You are not!" Judith insisted.

"I bloody well am!"

"Prove it!"

"Oh, for Christ's sake," Spike said. He vamped out, rolling his eyes as he did so. "There," he said. "Satisfied?"

Judith sat down on a crate, her face switching back to its human visage. She folded her arms across her chest, looking distraught. "I could've sworn..."

Spike suddenly felt bad for her. Oh hell, he thought, this evening's gone Twilight Zone already. He sat down on a crate next to her, resuming his human face as well.

"It's okay," he told her. "All fledglings make mistakes."

She turned to glare at him. "I am not a fledgling!" she said. "I'm probably older than you are."

"Bet not." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his packet of cigarettes. He lit one, offering it to Judith. She shook her head, so he put it between his own lips and took a long drag.

"I'm a hundred and twenty-three," Judith said proudly.

Spike smirked. "Well, pet," he said, "I'm a hundred and forty-seven." He resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

Judith crossed her arms more firmly across her chest, emitting a "hrumph" noise. "Well, you didn't know I was a vampire, either," she said, after a minute.

"I did so," Spike lied.

"Right, and that's exactly why you let me bite you. What were you trying to do, anyway? Were you hoping to feed on me?"

"No," he answered, honestly.

"I didn't think so," she said. "I didn't get a hunting vibe off of you at all. God, were you really just in there drowning your sorrows?" He didn't say anything, so she plunged ahead. "Are you new in town? Cause there's a perfectly good demon bar, The Alibi Room. If you want, I can -"

"I'm not bloody new in town!" he shouted, jumping to his feet. He whirled around to face her. "Listen, *Judith* - if that really is your name - I don't need pointers from you, all right? But I have one for you: stay out of my way unless you want to find yourself at the wrong end of something wooden and pointy. Got it?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Sure," she said. "Whatever you say, *William* - if that really is your name."

Her words dripped with sarcasm, but Spike felt a big grin spreading across his face.

"Actually," he said, holding out his hand to her. "The name's Spike."

The look of shock on her face would keep him going for days.

"Now's the part where you give me your hand to shake,'" he quoted, still grinning.

"Oh my God," Judith - if that really was her name - said. "You're William the Bloody? You're *that* William?" She put her head in her hands. "Oh, God. This is so embarrassing."

Spike shrugged. "Remember what I said," he told her. "And find yourself a different town in which to woo poor blokes with tales of your aunt's beach house."

She nodded.

"Right then," Spike said. "Have a nice evening."

And then he turned and walked away into the night, fading into the blackness until only the tip of his cigarette and his shock of blond hair remained, two points of brightness in the dark. Soon, a flash of white teeth joined them.

He was feeling a lot better.

*************

END


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